SOUTH PARK: Ishin-Damnitshin
by Tharpdevenport
Summary: There is a new plot afoot with worldwide consequences and naturally the boys get sweapt up in it. Only this time tables are turned on one of them in a way never before...


NOTE: Some names have been changed to abide by the Fanfiction rules.

Stan, Kyle, Eric, Kenny, and Butters stand in line for an event.

"Dude, I can't believe Disney is holding an event in out town!" Stan says excitedly.

Kyle replies, "I know! It's too bad it's only for three days."

"Guys, I went online and I found this video and it shows Disney hides naughty words, boobies, and penises in their films," Eric comments.

"Not ah!" Kyle rebukes.

"Yes way! If you freeze frame a certain part of _Rescuers Down Under_, you can see titties in a window."

"Really?" says Kenny in a muffled voice.

Stan comes back right away, "Dude, if you're so hard up to see a pair you'll freeze from hundreds of thousands of frames fro ma cartoon for hours and hours, you can borrow one of my old year book's with that photo montage of Miss Chokesondick doing jumping jacks."

"What ever, you can bite me," says Eric.

"Hey little boy, would you like to purchase a copy of our newest animation sequel family classic, _Bambi 6: How Thumper Got His Groove Back_?" says a woman dressed as Cinderella.

"Fuck off!"

"Oh," she says shocked. She walks off.

"Dude, we're next!" says Kyle.

"Next, please!" says the ticket lady.

"Hi! We'd like five tickets, please," says Kyle to her.

"Okay, I'll just need to see some photo ID."

"What? Why?"

"Disney takes the safety of it's patrons very seriously, even when not directly on park grounds."

"But you had George Lukas over a few months ago!"

"So?"

"He raped a friend of ours!"

"Was it n the convention auditorium?"

"Ah, no," answers Kyle.

"Oh, good," puts a walkie-talkie down, "ID, please."

"Will library cards do?" asks Stan.

"Yes," says the ticket lady.

"'cause we don't have any," Stan then adds.

"I'm nine - I don't have an ID. None of us d-" Kyle is suddenly interrupted by Cartman reading aloud.

"Let's see here … boobie inspector, Jew Hunter, Coon & Friends PR, Hippie Exterminator…"

"I'm sorry, but those aren't acceptable forms of ID."

"What?!" says Cartman annoyed.

"Don't worry fellas, I got a library card. Here you go miss," says Butters.

"Thank you," looks it over and types some information into a computer.

"You know, if you just let my friends on in, I promise I'll look out for them. Honest," Butters says, trying to persuade the ticket lady.

"Okay, well, if you vouch for them. You all are kids after all."

"Well, gee, thanks a lot!"

"Way to go, Butters!" Stan says encouragingly.

"Butters," Eric puts a hand on a shoulder of his, "I don't say this often enough, but you don't suck as much huge donkey balls as we know you do."

"Thanks, Eric. It makes me feel like part of the group. Maybe I am part of you guys after all. Maybe you all do see me as an equal. Let's hug!" puts his arms out.

Nobody moves.

"Maybe next time," says Stan.

"I've already been hugged today," says Kyle.

Kenny fakes a sneeze, pretending to be sick.

"Don't fucking hug me," says Eric.

"Ahhh, hamburgers."

The ticket lady speaks up, "Okay, here are your RFID tracking, I mean, visitor's bracelets."

"What do they track?" asks Kyle.

"Oh, nothing; just your standard information: height, weight, race, sex, religion, location, Tea Party affiliation, penis size, ball weight, middle name, deep dark secrets, how often you pee, what you ate - the basics. Next please."

They move away.

"Next please!"

A group of people move up.

Jimbo steps up, "Two tickets to the Disney presentation, please, my fair lady."

"Okay, I'll just need to see some photo ID."

"Photo ID? I didn't think we'd be carded - I left my wallet at home."

"Security rules."

"What about you, Ned, you bring any?"

"No," in a muted buzzing tone.

The ticket lady yells out, "He's gotta gun!"

"What?! No! That's just his voice box - ol' Ned here's had throat cancer a-"

"Nice try - that's one of those gun walkie-talkie's - I saw _E.T._! _Security!_"

"Oh boy."

.

The boys stop.

"Goddamnit! Not more security," Stan says frustrated.

A fat black lady in a TSA outfit stops them, "Holds on - I needs ta check your asshole."

They all point to Eric.

He comments, "You can all suck my balls."

"Holds on - we needs at suck your balls."

Kenny shouts, "_Woo hoo!_"

.

They sit down, now wearing Mickey Mouse hats.

"Did anybody else get a reach around? I felt like I got a reach around," says Butters.

"Butters, Goddamnit - this is why we don't hang out with Tweek anymore. Friends are to be seen, not heard," warns Eric.

"But…"

Eric reaches up, rips off one of the black Mickey Mouse ears on Butters' head, and shoves it in Butters' mouth vertically.

Back stage a man stands in the shadows. We see a small light shine around his mouth from a cellphone.

"Testing is about to begin, my lord. Yes. I promise. If all goes well we will be able to implement the technology world wide. Yes, my lord," and with that we hear a beep indicating the call was ended, and the light lowers away from the face and goes out.

Jimbo stands, bent over while one of the EX black TSA ladies feels around in his ass.

"You know, I really don't feel this is necessary. What could I possibly put up my pooter? I can barely even reach the damn thing."

"Unnn, shooowerrr nooozelll," says Ned.

"Sir, I knows hows at do my J-O-B."

"I'm an American citizen, I have rights, you know. And another thing, I - oh, my prostate!"

Lightening strikes near by and the building rumbles.

The other TSA lady speaks into a walkie-talkie, "I'm gonna needs more towels."

Butters plays with some popcorn as the boys slouch in their chairs, looking bored.

"Now hold on, Commander Corn - I outrank you; I'm a kernel! Pop! Pop! Pop!"

Stand says with a hand holding up his head, "Will this thing ever begin?"

The lights suddenly dim and music starts playing. Colorful spot lights run across the curtain on stage.

The announcer speaks, "Hello, and welcome to tonight's totally normal and un-invasive technological demonstration from Disney Mousegineering! And now to help demonstrate this new technological marvel, is Kiley Cyrus in a string bikini!"

"_Woo hoo!_" shouts Kenny.

"God_damnit_," says Kyle.

The curtains slide open and the orchestral music hit's a dramatic crescendo.

"Hi! Welcome to tonight's special audience-interactive technological demonstration! I'm Kiley Cyrus and I've discovered men like boobs and that I get off on that and need to publicly debase myself to millions of viewers to make sure they all know!"

CUT OT: James Cameron on the set of _Avatar 2_.

"Goddamnit! CUT! Set course back to the societal bar!"

CUT TO: Kiley Cyrus.

"The ancient Japanese believed that the heart could communicate with the hearts of others through unspoken interpersonal bonds. Or something like that - I don't know. Wikipedia says that. But this belief was called Ishin-Denshin. They, like, believed this stuff a long time ago, which is like, more than two weeks ago," she starts rubbing her butt into the crotch of a man just left of her while speaking.

The boys watch, mouth's agape.

Stan comments, "Dude."

Kiley walks away from the man, who then throws up, "but our busy Mouseketeers have brought it … back," there's a dramatic pause and thunder rumbles the auditorium. She starts rubbing her butt on the microphone pole.

"Seriously, what the fuck? She's not even 21," says Stan.

Somebody next to them throws up.

She stops and puts on a large Styrofoam baseball finger and walks over to the guy, "Disney is proud to bring you the latest in technological development that isn't creepy and weird at all like Google Glasses," she rubs the Styrofoam finer in his crotch, "oh, you like that? Did I mention I'm not Hannah Montanna?"

"Oh, _God_! Here! _Take it_!" and he throws a microphone down at her, then throws up repeatedly while running away. He slips and falls on his own vomit, landing on his back, then throws up like a water spout, sending it raining down upon him.

"Dude - I thought this was fucking Disney," says a surprised Kyle.

"_Kenny!_" exclaims Stan.

Kenny pulls his right hand out of his pants.

Kiley continues, "We give you: Ishin-Den-Shin!" she holds out the silver microphone.

A random guy in the audience speaks out, "That's just a microphone."

She looks at it and starts sucking on it like a penis. A stage hand comes out and pulls it out of her mouth and turns it right-side up, then runs off stage.

"Inside this microphone is a voice recorder. Just record a message and as long as you are holding it, all you have to do is use your other hand and touch the ear of another person and through some fancy techno babble, only the person you are touching the ear of can hear it. Any message, or secret, is sent to the next in contact. It's not creepy, honestly. Would anyone like to… volunteer?"

Lightening strikes nearby and some of the audience jumps.

Kenny shoots his left hand up, "OH! OH! OH!" yelling at the top of his lungs.

"Yes, the little boy shaped like a fuzzy orange ball."

"Woo hoo! Hell yeah!"

She adds, "We need another volunteer for the demonstration. Anybody?"

Kenny looks around and sees nobody else in the audience is raising a hand.

"Stan?" he asks.

"No way, Kenny, I might get airborne Herpes."

"Kyle?"

"I'm not going up there with her - she's trying to shove the microphone up her butt."

Kiley rams the microphone again & again against her pants, trying to break threw.

Butters chimes in, "Oh, geezs, I'd like to help you out Kenny, but I'm afraid if I go up there that she'll, well, steal my childhood innocence. And possibly rape me."

"Come on!" Kenny brags one of Eric's hands and drags him to the stage.

"No, Kenny! That's a _bad Kenny_! _NO!_"

"Welcome, boys! What's your names?" she asks both of them.

"Kenny."

"Kyle! I'm Jewish - please don't rape me!" yells Cartman.

"Hello, Kenny and Kyle," she shakes her butt in Kenny's face while Eric hides behind him.

And overhead stage light suddenly moves and a bolt falls out.

Stan sees it, "I don't have a good feeling about this."

Kyle looks down and sees his RFID light is glowing, as well as everybody else's.

"Okay, Kenny, just hold down this button to record a message, then release. Put a finger on one of Eric's ears and press play to transmit the message," she lowers down and hands the microphone over to Kenny.

Kenny starts, "Can," he stops and points to Eric for him to back off.

"All right, fine, but you had better keep a five foot radius at all times!" and he turns around and Kenny records his message.

Kenny walks over, taps Eric on his right shoulder, and then touches one of Eric's ears.

Eric speaks it out loud, "Can you hear me now? Kenny, that is so lame."

"It works!" shouts Cyrus.

The audience claps a little bit.

The random guy speaks again, "That's a little interesting though still creepy."

"Okay, my turn!" Eric forcibly yanks the microphone from Kenny. Kenny looks pissed and then walks off and turns around. He plus his ears and hums while nodding side-to-side.

Thunder rumbles nearby so loudly this time that things vibrate. A second bolt falls from the ceiling light and it dangles from a couple of thin wires.

Stan looks at it, then down and sees that Kenny is underneath it.

"Oh my God, Kenny!" he yells.

Eric speaks into the microphone, "In the ghetto," looks over at Kenny briefly, whom still has his hands over his ears, "on a cold and grey Chicago morning a little baby child is born…"

Stan taps Kyle and points up. One of the two wires snaps and the light shakes and starts moving around.

"Kenny!" shouts Kyle.

"In the ghetto…"

"Kenny!" Kyle shouts again.

The second wire snaps and it starts falling.

Stan starts: "Oh…"

"Kenny!"

"My…"

"Kenny, _above you!_"

"God…"

"Kenny!"

Kenny shakes his head while waiting for Eric to tap him out.

"They…"

"_**KENNY!**_" Kyle shouts as loud as he can and stands.

"What?" Kenny turns around to see Kyle.

"Killed…"

"**RUN!**" points above him.

"Huh?" looks up, "Aghhh!" he leaps away and the light smashes into the stage.

"Ke - oh. Never mind," says Stan.

Cartman comes to, to find Kenny on top of him and waking up from the leap that knocked him out briefly.

"Ay!"

"What the hell happened there?" asks Kenny.

"Get off me! I don't wanna catch your PoCooties!"

"Scroow wu!" Kenny's muffled voice sounds.

Kiley rubs her butt on the stage light.

"Oh, yeah?!" Eric presses record on the microphone, "Ruck! You! Ke-"

Suddenly lightening strikes threw the ceiling, hitting Eric and Kenny. They shake while lightening crackles in the air.

"Holy shit, dude!" shouts Stan.

Kenny flies off Eric and lands across the stage as the lightening stops.

Butters yells, "Oh my goodness!" and runs to the stage; Stan and Kyle follow.

A gray-haired stage director runs out and picks a bolt off the floor.

"Goddamnit, it's been _15 fucking years_! Can't we fucking tighten fucking bolts already? _Fuck!_"


End file.
